Freeze Frame
by Archaeologist
Summary: What would happen if movie characters could actually see what was going on in the real world?


**PAUSE**

Everything stopped. The thousands of droids surrounding them, Geonosian bugs flying around, clone-ships descending, Jedi defending themselves in the arena - everything around them seemed to shimmer and then freeze into place.

Obi-Wan let out a sigh - an annoyed sigh. This had been happening too much lately and they were all getting tired of it. "Blast, they did it again." He turned to Padmé and said, "Did you see who got the remote and paused it?"

"No, it's too hazy. I can't see a thing." She shook her head. "Ani?"

Anakin looked around, frowning into the distance, "I think... I don't know. I hope it's the boy. Please let it be the boy. Fighting and crashing into things I can take but that romance stuff is..." He scraped at his face with one hand. "She keeps rewinding and watching us over and over again. It's annoying."

"Ani, we're in trouble. It's the girl."

"E chuta." Anakin shuddered and looked at Padmé, his eyes haunted. "She's going to rewind back to the fireplace scene again, isn't she?"

Obi-Wan groaned. "I hope not. I don't think I could take one more 'kiss and scar' rendition. It makes me nauseous."

"You're not the only one, Master." Anakin scrunched his face up as if he smelled something bad. "What's worse was the 'sand - coarse and gets everywhere' poodoo. Who writes that kind of kriffing nonsense?"

Padmé shrugged. "It's not that bad, Ani."

Not for the first time, Anakin scowled at her. "It's Anakin, Padmé. An-A-Kin. Not Ani. Ani's a girl's name."

"But your mom calls you Ani."

"She also calls me pookie-pie." As Obi-Wan started to laugh, Anakin muttered, "Kenobi, don't even start."

There was a mischievous glint in Obi-Wan's eyes as he said, "At least, no one called you Oafy-Wan. I think pookie-pie suits you."

Anakin snapped back, "Listen, old man..."

"Stop it, both of you." Padmé pointed out into the haze. "We're in trouble. The old lady took the remote away from the girl and you know where this is going."

"Yeah, to _'Revenge'_ and that bedroom scene." Anakin gave Padmé a knowing smile but Obi-Wan just groaned again.

"If you had pulled in your stomach a little more as you moved from Padmé's bedroom onto the veranda, your pajamas would have fallen off and then where would you have been?"

"In an NC-17 movie?" Anakin said eagerly.

"At least I kept my clothes on," Obi-Wan grumbled.

"Yeah, well the old lady also watches the end of _'Phantom_ _Menace'_ where you and Qui-Gon are taking off your robes and she does it in slow motion." Anakin then reminded him. "Over and over again."

"She has good taste," Obi-Wan said softly.

Padmé laughed. "I enjoy that scene myself."

Anakin looked horrified. "You do? Qui-Gon's old enough to be your father."

"But he's not." She looked very content, smiling just a bit, as if thinking naughty thoughts.

"Padmé..."

Obi-Wan turned away, looking out into the distance, aghast. "Anakin, Padmé, I think you need to see this. The old lady has _'Empire'_ in her hand and you know where that is going."

"To Luke's scene where he finds out I'm his father? Where we have a long, cool lightsaber fight? What?"

Sometimes Anakin could be so blind about things, especially if they weren't about saber fighting or Padmé. Sending him a hard, Masterly stare, Obi-Wan said, "Anakin, she always goes to the same scene. You know - the one where Luke is on Dagobah in those tight pants and he starts to turn around and she's looking at his..."

"How could she?! Luke's in training to be a Jedi. She shouldn't be watching him like that. I'm going to delete that scene. Dirty old woman!"

"Calm down, Padawan. It's going to be all right."

"Listen Kenobi, you tell me one more time it's only a movie and we're going at it, Mustafar or no Mustafar."

"At least, it's not the old man." Padmé was frowning. "He keeps watching _'Return'_, running and rerunning that scene with Leia in her slave girl outfit, and making rude remarks."

"He what?!" Anakin seemed ready to explode. "That's it! Leia needs a cloak. And full body armor. And a mask!"

He lunged forward, looking as if he were going to run right through the haze and teach the old guy a lesson he'd not soon forget.

But Obi-Wan knew better; it was not going to work. Anakin would never reach the old man. Besides, the movie might restart any minute and Anakin had to be there, doing his part to help turn back the droids and save the day.

Grabbing onto him as Anakin raced past, Obi-Wan held on as best he could but it was difficult.

Anakin was all arms and intensity as he struggled to get away and he was shouting, too. "He's looking at my little girl and thinking evil thoughts. Let me at him!"

"Padawan, it's only a..."

"That's it, Kenobi."

Anakin took a wild swing at him but luckily Obi-Wan had anticipated the move and ducked. He did let go, though.

Lightsabers primed, both men were ready to do battle. But Padmé apparently had had enough. She pointed her weapon downward and blasted the sand at Anakin's feet.

Yelping surprise, Anakin back-pedaled. "What did you do that for?"

"You aren't supposed to be fighting with each other in this movie. Save it for _'Revenge'._"

"But he started it."

"I did not."

She waved her blaster again, sending death-glares to them both. "I don't care who started it. I'm..." But they never found out what she was going to say. Instead, she looked up, pointing her blaster into the haze, and smiled as she said excitedly, "The boy! The boy is back."

Anakin let out a cheer and even Obi-Wan had to grin at the news. They were saved. They knew that the boy wouldn't let them down.

Quickly, the three of them shifted back into place. They were still surrounded by thousands of droids and clone-ships and Jedi and dusty Geonosians, but the trio was anticipating the thrilling moment when it would all start again: battles and explosions and lightsaber duels and villains and heroic adventures.

The boy pointed the remote in their direction. And...

**PLAY**


End file.
